Eric's train ride

Ever get annoyed by loud obnoxious people using the cell phone in public?


*After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her
eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson.*

*As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled
out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart it's
Eric, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four
thirty but I had a long meeting - no, honey, not with that floozie from the
accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my
life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" etc., etc.*

*Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly , when the young woman
sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous diatribe,
yelled at the top of her voice:  "Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and
come back to bed!"

Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.*

Muslim on an airplane & Tolerance

I don't know where this came from or it if is true.  But if it is true, the Captain and the flight attendant get a big Amen from me.


A 50-something year old Muslim man arrived at his seat on a crowded flight and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to an elderly white woman reading her Bible.

Disgusted ... the Muslim man immediately summoned the flight attendant and demanded a new seat. The man said ... "I cannot sit here next to this infidel." The flight attendant said ... "Let me see if I can find another seat."

After checking ... the flight attendant returned and stated ... "There are no more seats in economy ... but I will check with the captain and see if there is something in first class."


About 10 minutes went by and the flight attendant returned and stated ... "The captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy ... but there is one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from economy to first class ... but being that it would be some sort of scandal to force a person to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person ... the captain agreed to make the switch to first class."

Before the irate Muslim man could say anything ... the attendant gestured to the elderly woman and said ... "Therefore ma'am ... if you would so kindly retrieve your personal items ... we would like to move you to the comfort of first class as the captain doesn't want you to sit next to an unpleasant person."

Passengers in the seats nearby began to applaud while some gave a standing ovation.

I say ... can I get an Amen to that.

___________________________________________________________

I've seen this one several times, each with a different city, state and/or country.  So feel free to substitute your city for New York City, New York.  After all the Muslim bashing that has been going on, I'm on board with showing a little tolerance.

___________________________________________________________

I think it should be the goal of every American to be tolerant.  I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in New York.  Thus the Mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance. 

That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. 

We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy", and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot".

Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbeque pork restaurant, called "Iraq o' Ribs".

Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret ", with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.

Next door to the lingerie shop  would be an adult sex toy shop, "Koranal Knowledge", its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered."

All of this would encourage the Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us, so the mosque problem would be solved.

Low-life, cheatin' Republican!

Typical of all those scum ball republicans.  Always looking for ways to win.

The Presidential election 2012 was too close to call. Neither Mitt Romney
nor Obama had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot
recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition
seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things.  The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest
would take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Wisconsin. There were
to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on
this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and
verification by a team of neutral parties.

At the end of the first day, Mitt Romney returned to the starting line and
he had 10 fish.

Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just
having a bad day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.
At the end of the 2nd day Mitt came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again
with none. That evening, the democrats got together secretly and said, "I
think that Mitt Romney is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. Tomorrow, don't
bother fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.'

The next night (after Mitt returns with 50 fish), the democrats got together
for the report of how the republicans were cheating.

Obama said, "You are not going to believe this ... he's cutting holes in the ice!"

3rd Grade Civics Lesson

I received the following in January 2009 from a friend and as I was reminiscing things this morning I reread it.  I posted this on July 5, 2010.  I'm reposting with some of my thoughts at the bottom.

From a teacher in the Nashville area:

We are worried about "the cow" when it is all about the "Ice Cream."

The most eye-opening civics lesson I ever had was while teaching third grade this year. The presidential election was heating up and some of the children showed an interest. I decided we would have an election for a class president.

We would choose our nominees. They would make a campaign speech and the class would vote.

To simplify the process, candidates were nominated by other class members.

We discussed what kinds of characteristics these students should have. We got many nominations and from those, Jamie and Olivia were picked to run for the top spot.

The class had done a great job in their selections. Both candidates were good kids. I thought Jamie might have an advantage because he got lots of parental support. I had never seen Olivia's mother.

The day arrived when they were to make their speeches. Jamie went first. He had specific ideas about how to make our class a better place. He ended by promising to do his very best. Every one applauded. He sat down and Olivia came to the podium.

Her speech was concise. She said, "If you will vote for me, I will give you ice cream." She sat down. The class went wild.

"Yes!  Yes! We want ice cream."

Jamie was forgotten.

She surely would say more. She did not have to.  A discussion followed How did she plan to pay for the ice cream? She wasn't sure. Would her parents buy it or would the class pay for it. She didn't know. The class really didn't care. All they were thinking about was ice cream.

Olivia won by a land slide.

Every time Barack Obama opens his mouth he offers ice cream

SEVENTY FIVE percent of the people react like nine year olds. They want ice cream. The other TWENTY FIVE percent know they're going to have to feed the cow and clean up the mess.

 Looking back on the last 3 years, what was promised?  Who got the ice cream and who got stuck feeding the cow and cleaning up the manure?  

Now in 2012 as we head towards the election, will the 75 percent that react like nine year olds - clamoring for the ice cream - realize that President BO has promised and delivered ice cream which was tainted with manure.  If he's elected a second time, will the amount of manure will increase exponentially!

Here are some favorite quotes extracted from my July 10, 2010 Post.

3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain  Fortunately Pelosi and the democrats no longer control the house.  

4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -- Winston Churchill  Hello, BO and the democrats - you need to read this one

5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw      Who is Paul?  The labor unions, with government employee labor unions at both the state and federal levels the biggest advocates for robbing Peter.

6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy  BO reportedly gave a sandwich to a fellow classmate, that's charity.  Now he wants to steal your sandwich to give to his friends.

13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. -- P.J. O'Rourke  It's been passed, but isn't in effect yet, but my co-pays and deductibles have already gone up.

14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. -- Voltaire  BO is the master here, steal from those that work hard and give to those that sit on the butts.

23. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. -- Gerald Ford  According to BO's actions, more government is the solution to everyone's problems.

Bumper sticker of the day.  

BO:  Body Odor, Barrack Obama, they both stink.

The Cardiologist

I received this a while ago from a good friend.   I was looking at my emails and his facebook and came across this gem.

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Dodge SRT-4 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop, who was waiting for the service manager to take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, 'Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?' The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the SRT.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag, and asked, 'So, Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year, a pretty small salary, and you get the really big bucks, $1,695,759, when you and I are doing basically the same work?' The cardiologist paused, smiled, and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic,

'Try doing it with the engine running.'

My favorite Acronyms: YCFS and YCMTSU

I used to hate acronyms.  I found two that I love!

The Air Force lives on acronyms.  A good policy is to always know the definitions of acronyms before you use them.  When you write, you must always define the acronym the first time it is used (You must also include a list of acronyms).  When speaking, well sometimes it can be confusing.

While enlisted, I used to work on jets - a communication/navigation specialist.  I learned lots of acronyms.  FTIT, ICCP, IDG and ILS to name just a few.  During training, I was almost put on bedcheck because I kept screwing up FTIT.  Then I got a commission and became an officer and worked on space systems. Rockets, Satellites, and SDI, oh my!  More acronyms.  I was lost in my first meeting as a 2nd Lieutenant engineer working on SDI (Strategic Defense Initiative AKA Star Wars), the acronyms were flying like A-10 bullets - some I recognized - like ILS.  But it didn't fit.  What were they thinking?  Putting an Instrument Landing System (ILS) on a rocket that goes boom at the other end!

A co-worker of mine - friend, mentor, peer - One of the things he has mentored me on is employee relations and my role as a supervisor.

(BTW, he was mad this afternoon.  He nearly went postal.  It's a good thing I'll be out of the office next week.  It will give him time to calm down.  I wasn' just merely in his view, I was the target of his anger.  Me!  Mild mannered, little 'ole me!  He threatened to shoot me.  As in Dead! 

This co-worker is normally a reasonable, rationale human being.  I depend on him as a mentor, for excellent advice in and out of the office environment.  Surely there had to be a reason for this 180 degree change.  I just don't understand what happened!)

I'm fairly new to this management stuff with government civilian employees.  I've been a supervisor on multiple occasions and have hired, counseled, motivated, disciplined and even fired workers in the past.  A number of years ago, I fired a young man that needed to be fired.  A few years later I met him again.  He told me that being fired was the best thing that ever happened to him.  (It helped him grow up.  He now has a wife, child, and is working on his PHD.)

As a supervisor while active duty, discipline issues were minimal, we had a big hammer called the First Sergeant, AKA the First Shirt or just the Shirt.  As a general rule, no one ever wanted to see the shirt over a discipline issue.

A fellow airman at Luke AFB decided to test the First Shirt.  He was a senior airman and decided he didn't want to fulfill his contract with the Air Force.  He bucked the system.  Grew his hair out so long that I didn't recognize him when we passed on a college campus.  While in uniform, he always kept it tucked up under his hat.  When ordered to take off the hat for a 35-10 inspection, he refused.  He was sent to the First Shirt and ended up paying $150 for a haircut and spent a considerable amount of time saluting the Commander's sign while standing in the Arizona sun.   A short time later - dishonorable discharge!
YCFS! YCMTSU!

Government employees - now that's a different story.  Most of them rank amoung the hardest workers I have ever met.  Some however, have a work ethic that leaves much to be desired.  A few never take responsibility for their actions, while others believe that filing a grievance seems to be their solution for everything.  I usually have code names for these individuals.  The codenames are terms like "Bubbles", "Magfo", and "STP".  When STP, Magfo or Bubbles were out of the office, it's a "Snowday" and snowdays are always good - just ask your kids.

Bubbles for example, came around the office soliciting funds from the staff because she couldn't pay her $600 rent payment.  Bubbles had a cat that somehow got stuck in the toilet.  The cat was wet and cold.  It got sick.  Bubbles got it out and took it to the vet.  Ah, $600 for a vet bill.  The next month, Bubbles came around asking for more money.  Needed it to pay the rent - again!  What happened this time?  Despite the best efforts from the vet, the cat died.  The funeral cost?  $600!
YCFS! YCMTSU!

STP had the self appointed responsibility to "Stir the Pot."

• Not happy today!  Management is responsible for your unhappiness, STP will help them file a grievance. 
• Security incident with a CAC card?  STP filed a hostile work environment complaint.  
• Counseled for spending too much time chit chatting in some-one else's cubicle, STP will file a Unfair Labor Practice.  
• Not happy with the appraisal?  Count on STP to file a "failure to meet expectations" grievance.  

I've had so many of them I've lost track.

• Not getting your own way?  Count on STP to file a disparate treatment grievance.  
• Get questioned about leaving work early, STP can change the date stamp on an old e-mail to prove attendance at work until after quitting time.  

STP is good, really good - doesn't hardly do any of the required work - we've had to 'dumb it down' and give work two full grades below the current salary.  But STP excels in Stirring the Pot.  Because of such ouststanding ability in Stirring the Pot, STP wanted all 9's on the appraisal - didn't get it - got a 64.  In order to settle the grievance, upper management raised the score to a 72.  Then STP wanted a bonus - unbelievable.

My pile of documentation grew daily.  Finally, after an 18 inch file and a modified email - Suspension! It snowed for a whole week.

• Lied to your supervisor and received a Suspension!  STP filed a grievance, the penalty was to harsh!

YCFS! YCMTSU!

What does this have to do with my co-worker.  The one that nearly went postal!  Upper management transferred STP to his organization.  My problems are over, but his--

List of Acronyms

AFB:  Air Force Base
AKA:  Also Known As
BTW:  By the way
CAC:  Computer Access Card or Controlled Access Card
FTIT:  Fan Turbine Inlet Temperture or Fan Turbine Intake Temperature (I still can't keep it straight)
IDG:  Internal Drive Generator
ILS:  Instrument Landing System or Integrated Logistics Support
ICCP:  Integrated Communications Control Panel
SDI:  Strategic Defense Initiative
STP:  Stir the Pot
YCFS:  You Can't Fix Stupid!
YCMTSU:  You Can't Make This Stuff Up!

The Bewildered Cowboy

I received this at work the other day.  Since I'm a big fan of the outdoors and try to do my part to be kind, considerate and helpful to those in distress, I also would have wasted two stamps in my efforts to assist.

While hiking down along the border this morning, I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River . He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying.  Along with him was a Mexican who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back. If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown.


Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress,  I informed the El Paso County Sheriff's Office and Homeland Security.  It is now 4 PM, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded. I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps.


Gotta Love Sam Elliott.