The Frog and the Female Golfer

Another interesting email floating around.  Pretty smart lady.  Don't know the original source, but it gets an A+ in my book.

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you
three wishes." 

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.  Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock
to". 

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman
and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. 

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world.
And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is
mine." 

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like
amild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. 

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here
and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife ... Moral of the story: Women are not really smart, they just think they are.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show. 

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that
women never listen!!!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who
have a good sense of humor. 

To the women in my life.  I hope you have a sense of humor.  You know how much I love golf.  Hopefully I'm not in too much trouble for posting this one.

Retribution is mine: An 86-year Old Lady's Letter to Bank

I received the following from my sweet little lady.  Supposedly, it is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.  I wonder if my little lady will be this feisty.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nano seconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused  to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood  person. 

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must  nominate. 

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.  I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR  ENGLISH.

#1. To make an appointment to see me.

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press * for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

And remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick us off.

Stimulus Explained

The following was sent to my office with the title "Stimulus Explained!  Note the 2nd line from the bottom.  It makes for interesting reading, but I don't think the stimulus really works this way. 

It is the month of August, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.

He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.

The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay His debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro Note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism..

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is doing business today.

I think a better model for explaining the stimulus is using a bucket brigade to move water from the left end of an Olympic swimming pool to the right end in order to raise the water level of the pool.  No matter how fast they pass the buckets, the volume of water in the pool isn't going to increase.  In fact, due to "sloppage"  the pool will end up with less water.

The Cardiologist

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Dodge SRT-4 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop, who was waiting for the service manager to take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"  The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the SRT.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag, and asked, "So, Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year, a pretty small salary, and you get the really big bucks, $1,695,759, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The cardiologist paused, smiled, and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic,  "Try doing it with the engine running."  (Received 17 July, 2010,  via e-mail from my friend Dick Stone)

Earl Nightingale gave the following explanation of why some people make much more than others.  "A janitor is just as important, as a human being, as a brain surgeon is.  But the amount of money they will earn will be proportional to the demand for what they do, their ability to do what they do, and the difficulty of replacing them.  In a few weeks, a person can be trained to clean and maintain a building, and replacing the person is not difficult.  A brain surgeon spends many years learning his profession-often at great personal sacrifice and at extremely high cost-and he cannot be easily replaced.  As a result, the surgeon might earn as much money in an hour as a janitor might earn in a year.

"Now, these are extreme cases used to show the relation of income to demand, skill and supply.  But this is as it should be."  (Quoted from Earl Nightingale, Lead the Field, pg 47)

Recapping - The amount you earn is dependent on:
1.  The demand for what you do.
2.  Your ability to do what you do.
3.  The difficulty in replacing you.

I believe that these three statements are natural laws or principles.  If they were understood and universally applied, every working person would be rewarded fairly according to their contribution.  Minimum wage laws and strikes by unions perturb the natural law and are inherently unfair to society.  The high income earners have their income stolen by governments, while the lower income earners frequently have higher salaries than they deserve based on the three laws.

But what about the poor guy trying to support a family of two, three, four or even more children on a minimum wage job at a fast food restaurant.  Doesn't he have a 'right' to a salary that he can support his family on?  Let's apply the principle.

1.  Is there a demand for a burger flipper?  Yes.
2.  Does the burger flipper have the ability?  Yes.
3.  Is it easy to replace a burger flipper?  Yes.  No college degree required.  A food handler's permit is required - but it's easy to get.  Training on how put a burger on a grill, flip it without dropping it on the floor, and then putting condiments, the burger, onions, pickles, lettuce on a sesame seed bun and wrapping it up.  Let's be generous - two weeks.

Two weeks training for a burger flipper, 12 or more years training for a cardiologist or brain surgeon.  Why is the burger flipper getting pack $7.25/hour.  If there are people looking for that type of work, the wage should fall.  It the employee is having a hard time keeping his employees, then he/she would raise the wage until the personnel turnover is below his pain threshold.

As a kid, I worked pulling weeds in potato fields for 50 cents an hour.  It was a fair wage.  I got the money, the farmers got weed free potato fields.  All parties were happy.  If I had demanded a wage of $.75/hour, the farmers would have simply found other kids willing to work for $.50/hour.