A truly heartwarming lawyer story

The following came from a friend at work.  And I was under the impression that all lawyers were mean and self-centered.

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.  "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.  Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place...

The grass is almost a foot high"

Isn't it true that most of our politicians are lawyers?  I know with the last round of elections in 2010 there were same significant changes and some doctors and businessmen/women were elected, but I suspect that the majority of the politicians at the federal and state level are liars (oops, I meant lawyers).  I suspect that nearly 100% of those that serve on the bench are also lawyers - after all, only a lawyer can interpret the meaning of constitution.  A judge then, with his lawyer background can then apply his view of the world to frame his interpretation in the way that supports his political views.  

I just finished a book by Peter Schweizer titled Maker's and Taker's.  An excellent read and I highly recommend it.  I'm now reading another Schweizer book titled  "Do As I Say (Not As I Do).  It has interesting tidbits on the Clintons, Ralph Nader, Nancy Peolsi, Michael Moore, and Barbara Streisand and Al Franken.  The subtitle of the book is "Profiles in Liberal Hypocrisy."  It's been an interesting book thus far.  Most of the subjects of the books are the liberal politicians who sure have a different view of the country than I have.

The Lion and the Little Girl

Sent to me by one of my former active duty buds

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. 

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. 

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. 

A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.' 

The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.' 

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.' 

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: 



 

 U.S. MARINE 

ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT 

AND STEALS HIS LUNCH 

5th Grade Math Question

Driver not included.

Good luck with this and have fun! This is a 5th grade math problem.  If you can't stand word math problems, just delete now. This is not a trick question.  This is a real math problem so don't say that a bus has no legs.

There are 7 girls in a bus

Each girl has 7 backpacks

In each backpack, there are 7 big cats

For every big cat there are 7 little cats

Question: How many legs are there in the bus?

(remember, for this problem the driver is not included)

If you respond with your answer I'll let you know if you are correct.

Are Cajun's Smart?

Direct Quote attributed to "Larry, the Cable Guy"

"Even after the Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying with bad jokes that Cajuns aren't smart. I would like to state, for the record, that I disagree with that assessment. Anybody who would build a city 5 feet below sea level in a hurricane zone and fill it with Democrats who can't swim is a damn genius".

Is it too bold to say that those that move back to New Orleans and the politicians that wasted taxpayer money in rebuilding the city are incredibly stupid.

Lite Reading for your Mental Health

You are on a Horse, galloping at a constant speed.

On your right side is a sharp drop off.

And on your left side is an Elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is a galloping Kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a Lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Scroll down for the answer.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Get your drunk butt off the merry-go-round.

Little Johnny

Although the following is humorous, at least to some, think about the implications on both sides.  I don't know the original author, but I wonder what his real intent is!

Mohammad, an Arab child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Oklahoma.

"What is your name?" asked the teacher.

"Mohammad" answered the boy.

"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny" replied the teacher.

In the evening, Mohammad returned home. "How was your day Mohammad?"  asked his mother.

"My name is not Mohammad, I am in America and now my name is Johnny."

"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion???  SHAME ON YOU!" and she beat him. Then she called his father and he too beat him.

The next day Mohammad returned to school. When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked.   "What happened to you little Johnny"?

"Well ma'am, 4 hours after becoming an American, I was attacked by Muslims."

Clocks in Heaven

I received this at work.  I don't think it is "politically correct," but it might be true.

A man died and went to Heaven.   As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.  He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are lie-clocks.   Everyone on Earth has a lie-clock.  Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."  

"Oh", said the man.  "Whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's.   The hands have never moved, indicating she's never told a lie." 

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" 

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock.  The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's President Obama's clock," asked the man?

"Obama's clock is in Jesus' office.   He's using it as a ceiling fan."

A Chili Story

This was sent to me by a friend from work.  I've changed a few words so that I could post it on this blog and not worry about offensive language.  Please note, even though it is written in first person, this was not me.   I've struggled with which category to file this under.  Relationships might be appropriate as could Health and Fitness.  However, in this case, because of the effect that it had upon Walmart and Albertsons, I've decided to post it under Civics.  Enjoy!

I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'You're definitely going to have problems' chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I appeared to be unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as thunder and lightning. Knowing that a time of reckoning had to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the market, a local Wal-Mart grocery store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.

Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me. Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh oh, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened.

The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an elderly woman turned into it. I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate, as she walked into it unsuspecting.

Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh.

Mistake.

Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly things were no longer funny. It was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal explosion took place. Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my goodness', floating above the toilet seat because my rear end is burning SO BAD, purging.

One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Holy Crap' and quickly left.

Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said,'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.' That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Albertson's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole thing because they claim they have to repaint the store.

Politics Anyone?

The following were sent via emails from several different sources.  Enjoy!

- Preacher, Businessman, Bum

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young Men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects-

                  

 1. A Bible

 2. A silver dollar

 3. A bottle of whisky

 4. And a Playboy magazine

                 

'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.

                 

If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!

                 

If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.

                 

But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.

                 

 And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.'

                 

 The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.

                 

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table..

                 

With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.

                 

'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered.

                 

'He's gonna run for Congress.'

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How do you starve an  Obama supporter ? 

Hide their food stamps under their work shoes

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Dead Horses

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that, "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."

 

However, in government, education, and in corporate America, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

 

1. Buying a stronger whip.

 

2. Changing riders.

 

3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

 

4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.

 

5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

 

6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.

 

7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

 

8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

 

9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse's performance.

 

10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.

11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of economy than do some other horses.

 

12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

 

And of course....

 

13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

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And finally, the bumper sticker of the month, perhaps of the year or even the decade.

                If you voted for Obama in '08 to prove you're not a racist, vote for someone else in '12 to prove you're not an idiot.

Tolerance

I received the following from a co-worker.  In today's world, a little tolerance by all might go a long way.

I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Sydney.  I think it should be the goal of every Australian to be tolerant.  Thus the Mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.

That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque.  We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy", and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot".

Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbeque pork restaurant, called "Iraq o' Ribs".  Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret ", with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.  Next door to the lingerie shop  would be an adult sex toy shop, "Koranal Knowledge", its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered."

  

All of this would encourage the Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us, so the mosque problem would be solved.

The Frog and the Female Golfer

Another interesting email floating around.  Pretty smart lady.  Don't know the original source, but it gets an A+ in my book.

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you
three wishes." 

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.  Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock
to". 

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman
and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. 

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world.
And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is
mine." 

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like
amild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. 

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here
and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife ... Moral of the story: Women are not really smart, they just think they are.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show. 

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that
women never listen!!!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who
have a good sense of humor. 

To the women in my life.  I hope you have a sense of humor.  You know how much I love golf.  Hopefully I'm not in too much trouble for posting this one.

Retribution is mine: An 86-year Old Lady's Letter to Bank

I received the following from my sweet little lady.  Supposedly, it is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.  I wonder if my little lady will be this feisty.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nano seconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused  to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood  person. 

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must  nominate. 

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.  I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR  ENGLISH.

#1. To make an appointment to see me.

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press * for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

And remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick us off.

Politically Incorrect

I don't usually make blond jokes, I have two daughters that are on the blond side.  However sometimes the stories are just to good to pass on.  The biggest challenge is trying to figure out how to categorize it.  I've decided that relationships 101 is the proper category.

1.  Two blonds were walking through the woods and came upon a set of tracks. One blonde said that they were deer tracks. The other blonde said they were moose tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit 'em.

2.  Five blonde women enter a bar and order a bottle of champagne and ten glasses from the bartender. They go and occupy a table, set a small framed picture in the middle,and start "high fiving" and dancing around the table chanting, "51 days! 51 days!"

A few minutes later, five more blondes enter the bar and join the others at the table. There is much laughing and merriment, alternating with the ritual chanting of "51 days! 51 days!"

Finally, the bartender can no longer control his curiosity and he strolls over to the table to see what is going on.

In the center is a picture of the cookie monster in a frame. When the bartender asks what the celebration is all about, one of the women says, "We were all tired of the blonde jokes about how dumb we are, so we got together and put this puzzle together. On the package it said '2 to 4 years', but we all worked together and put the puzzle together in 51 days!"

4.  A woman went to a doctors office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked her what the problem was, and she explained.

 

After hearing the story the doctor marched back to the first and demanded. What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?

 

 The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and asked, Does she still have the hiccups?

Science vs God

As with most things that I post here, the original author is unknown to me.  This was sent to me by my brother.  Although I suspect the following narrative is fictitious, it highlights some interesting issues when you compare science and religion.

"Let me explain the problem science has with Jesus Christ." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes sir," the student says.

"So you believe in God?"

"Absolutely."

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God's good."

"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes."

"Are you good or evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil."

The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a moment.

"Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?"

"Yes sir, I would."

"So you're good...!"

"I wouldn't say that."

"But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't."

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. "He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"

The student remains silent.

"No, you can't, can you?" the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

"Let's start again, young fella Is God good?"

"Er...yes," the student says.

"Is Satan good?"

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. "No."

"Then where does Satan come from?"

The student : "From...God..."

"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"

"Yes, sir."

"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?"

"Yes."

"So who created evil?" The professor continued, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."

Without allowing the student to answer, the professor continues: "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?"

The student: "Yes."

"So who created them?"

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. "Who created them? There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.

"Tell me," he continues onto another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"

The student's voice is confident: "Yes, professor, I do."

The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?"

"No sir. I've never seen Him"

"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"

"No, sir, I have not."

"Have you ever actually felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?"

"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."

"Yet you still believe in him?"

"Yes."

"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"

"Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith."

"Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of his own. "Professor, is there such thing as heat?"

"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."

"And is there such a thing as cold?"

"Yes, son, there's cold too."

"No sir, there isn't."

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain.

"You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

"What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?"

"Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?"

"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light,
flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?"

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. "So what point are you making, young man?"

"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. "Flawed? Can you explain how?"

"You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it."

"Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"

"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do"

"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

"Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

"To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean."

The student looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out into laughter.

"Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir. So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?"

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith."

"Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life," the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?"

Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just
like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God.

God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

Top 15 Reasons to vote for Democrats

Most of the following reasons were sent to me by a friend.  I'm not aware of the original author and I've taken license in changing a few words and changing the order to fall in line with my personal experience as to why democrats vote the way they do.  I've also added a several other items that I have observed from family members, friends, and co-workers as to why they 'always' vote for a democrat.   Although this is written in first person, I have a personal vow, as sacred as my wedding vows, that I will never, ever vote for a democrat.


Some of my grandparents were staunch democrats and my paternal grandfather once told me that he was born a democrat and would die a democrat, but he couldn't provide any rationale or evidence as to why the democrats should deserve such devotion.  The party platform, integrity of the candidate, or belief in the U.S. Constitution would never have an effect on his support for the democrat party.

15. I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.
14.  I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrats see fit.
13.  I voted Democrat becauseI think that it's better to pay billions to people who hate us for their oil, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle or gopher.
12.  I voted Democrat becauseI believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
11.  I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.
10.  I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.
9.  I voted Democraft because I don't need the facts and I get to throw a temper tantrum and accuse others of being racists, homophobic, uncharitable or wealthy when the facts don't back up my position.
8.  I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.
7.  I voted Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
6.  I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.
5.  I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
4.  I voted Democrat because I've never learned to think for myself and I willing let Uncle Sam take care of all of my needs until the day I die.
3.  I voted Democrat because I don't want to be responsible for my own health, wealth or security
2.  I voted Democrat because while we live in the greatest, most wonderful country in the world, I was promised "HOPE AND CHANGE".  I have no idea what "HOPE AND CHANGE" means, but if Uncle Sam takes more responsibility for my life, I'm all for it.
1.  I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted in a place where the sun never shines, it's unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.

Insurance, Urine & Chicken - oh my!

The following came from various friends or relatives.  Unless posted, I don't know who the original authors are, but I do agree with their thoughts.


1.  Paradoxical Thought of the Day....

"Fathom the odd hypocrisy that the government wants every citizen to prove they are insured, but people don't have to prove they are citizens."                           Ben Stein             

2.  TO PEE OR NOT TO PEE.   A bit crude - but makes too good a point not to pass on... 

Like most folks in this country, I have a job.  I work, they pay me.  I pay my taxes & The government distributes my taxes as it sees fit.

In order to get that paycheck, in my case, I am required to pass a random urine test (with which I have no problem).

 

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.  So, here is my question: Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check?   Because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet.  I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit on their BUTT doing drugs while I work.

Can you imagine how much money each state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

I guess we could call the program "URINE OR YOU'RE OUT"!

Something has to change in this country - AND SOON!

P.S. Just a thought, all politicians REP or DEM, Should have to pass a urine test too! 

And finally, just to show that I have other interests other than bashing liberal government policies.  Enjoy the following:

3.  My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.  

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. 

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.  He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.  I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children.  So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.  Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where I am now... 

Oops, am I now bashing liberals in general.  By the way, in other posts I've mentioned my hikes in the Grand Canyon.  I was once asked if I had ever eaten a rattlesnake.  I've seen a few down there.  The answer is yes.  The follow-up question/comment was:  "How did it taste?  I've heard they taste like fried chicken."  My answer - "No, they taste more like California Condor, but if they're seasoned well, they taste much better than Grey Wolf"  


Enjoy!

Obamacare and the Farr West Utah City Council

What does Obamacare have to do with actions taken by the Farr West City Council?  More than you might think!

People across the U.S. are divided on their opinion of Obamacare, with conservatives generally believing that it is unconstitutional and the methods by which it was enacted fraudulent.  Secret meetings, behind the scenes arm twisting, the Louisiana Purchase, the Cornhusker Kickback were just some of the tools used to enact this bill.  Now waivers or exemptions are being given for special groups.

Those in favor of the bill are generally liberal and, in my opinion, believers in the Nanny State.  They have the belief that the government is better equipped to make decisions for the individual than the individual is. (Ever hear of Mustang Ranch in Nevada.  The government can't even run a whore house profitably, what makes anyone reasonably think they can run healthcare).  A former worker of mine (yes, I actually hired him) is convinced that universal health care with solve everyone's health problems because everyone will have access to health care.

What does this have to do with little Farr West, UT?  I recently received a notice in the mail along with my water and garbage bill.  The city is "exploring the possibility of offering residents a city-wide recycling program."  The notice goes on to state that "ALL" residents with be charged $3.15 per month "regardless of participation."

The notice included a form where households in opposition to the measure could submit a declining vote to the city.  If 20% or more of Farr West households vote against the measure, the program will not be implemented.  If less than 20% of households respond, then the program will be implemented and everyone will be charged.

Here's the RUB:  I have to complete the form and either hand deliver it or mail it (at my expense) to the city.  Now I'm not opposed to getting involved.  I've attended and spoken at city council meetings before. But they've stacked the deck in the favor of a business that wants a handout from the citizens of Farr West!

1. If you are an "Equal Pay" customer, you probably don't even open the bill, let alone read it.
2. Most people don't respond to the "garbage" the receive in the mail.
3. 20% must respond negatively, why not make it 80% must respond affirmatively?

I'm proud to have sent in by declining vote.  Will it make a difference?  I hope so, but realize that it will probably not, because they've stacked the deck. They asked for reasons why I was opposed.  I used the front and back of the little form that I voted on.  My reasons are as follows:

1. This action exceeds the role of Farr West City government.
2. The Farr West City should not be endorsing a particular business.
3. The Farr West City should have requested all households to respond, not just the households against the measure.  You've stacked the deck in Econo Waste favor.
4. Negative impact on organizations that recycle as part of fund raisers.
5. Econo Waste will make profit at the expense of those who don't want to participate.  Is the mayor or city council receiving a kickback from this action?
6. It should be a completely voluntary action - not another government mandate.  Sounds like another incarnation of the Obamacare health care bill
7. Econo Waste should give each household that particpates a $3.15 credit on their bill.  They make money recycling and charge us for it.  Sounds like misguided government to me.

The only difference between Obamacare and the Farr West City Recycling Program is the magnitude.  A school teacher once shared a paraphrased quote with me.  She said: "Those that willingly give up a little bit of freedom for a little bit of security, will end up with neither."  I might add that "they deserve neither."

This is just another example of how government, at all levels, believe they know what is best for the individual and will do all they can to tilt the scales in their favor.  It's time to vote out the mayor and city council of Farr West even if this action doesn't pass.  The very action of stacking the deck in favor of a proposal is grounds for impeachment due to unethical behavior.

Wisconsin Whiners & more

I'm sitting here watching Huckabee and reflecting on recent events in the world (i.e. Egyptian and other protests in the Middle East) and in the United States (Federal and State level).  Turmoil in the Middle East is spreading and while democracy is a good thing, anarchy is a poor substitute.


I'm amazed at the various arguments supporting the Wisconsin democrat lawmakers leaving the state so they wouldn't have to do their job.  Likewise I'm appalled at school teachers who call in sick and show up at the Wisconsin capital to protest the legislative and gubernatorial efforts to balance the budget.  If I was the governor for the day, I would declare the democrats as abandoning their elected positions.  The remaining lawmakers would then constitute a quorum and they could get back to work to solve their budget problems.


I've also learned that there has now been 915 waivers granted for Obamacare.  How can I get one of those waivers.  Two federal judges have stated that various portions of the Obamacare legislation is unconstitutional and fortunately the dems didn't include a severability clause.  Therefore the whole thing should legitimately be thrown out.


My bottom line opinion (reinforced by recent experiences with union members where I work), Unions in the U.S. may have been useful at one time, but are now a millstone around the neck of every nonunion person in the United States.  The public sector is highly paid, over compensated with all types of benefits - holidays, very generous vacation allowances sick leave, unbelievable pension plans - and the are also among the worst workers that I have ever seen.  The work ethic of most card carrying union members is appalling.  I have seen government workers reading novels and playing video games all day long - and getting paid to do it.  Air Force civilian employees are allowed up to three hours per week, at taxpayer expense, for exercise at the base gym (they don't even have to pay a membership fee).  In addition, they are also given the opportunity to commute to work in subsidized vanpools.  The vanpool from my neighborhood travels the 12.5 miles each way to the base and each vanpool rider is given an allowance of $125!  Hello taxpayers, what's going on here!


To the union members and democrats in Wisconsin - stop whining - you could be working for a living instead of sucking the life out of American workers.